This blog will deal with the subjects of human communication and interaction, as well as Asperger’s Syndrome. I lived most of my life with Asperger’s Syndrome and did not know it. From my early teenage years, I somehow knew that I had a problem with social interaction with other people, so I would read self-help books trying to get “better.” (“I’m okay.” Okay!) While this helped somewhat, I never reached a level of social skill that comes naturally to most people. It was not until a few years ago that I discovered that I had Asperger’s Syndrome. Most people understand precious little about Asperger’s and few make an attempt to learn more on the subject. Neuro-typical people (those without Asperger’s) assume that everybody has the same social sense that they do. And for most people, they’re pretty much right. Most people can feel how they should act in a social situation. It happens at a subconscious level, just like speaking your native language. Some salient characteristics of Asperger’s Syndrome are being unable to make or maintain eye contact, not knowing what subjects are socially appropriate for the situation, and being unable to pick up on social cues. You can see that this can be socially devastating at times.
The first time that I read something written by a person who had the same condition, I felt an identity with his experiences. “Anybody would know not to say that!” is a sentence that we both heard many times. And I’m not just anybody because of Asperger’s. I do not think like most people. Social ineptitude leads to criticism and rejection because they(the neuro-typical people) would not do something so rude as I often did. And there’s no way that they can relate what you just said or did, anymore than if you were speaking a foreign language. My family was not “mean”, but the continual “well-meaning” criticism only served to beat down my emotions. In college, I would find excuses to not go home during break to avoid it. I never felt supported or being loved for who I am. And even though I didn’t realize it until recently, social encounters cause me stress, whereas neuro-typical people are energized by the experience.
Because social interactions cause me stress, many of my muscle groups are very tense most of the time. It’s difficult for me to relax. I can remember when I was a child that my mother was massaging my arm muscles in an attempt to get them to relax. I even remember that my parents got me a prescription for Fiorinal, which was supposed to be a muscle relaxant. These were well-meaning attempts, but they failed to address the true cause of my problem, Asperger’s Syndrome. Whether my stress from social interactions is something inherent in the syndrome, or it is an acquired reaction from experiencing so much social rejection from inept attempts at positive social interaction, I do not know.
But I do know that the percentage of children with Asperger’s has increased dramatically over the last few decades. When I was a child, I stood out like a red spot on a plain colored sheet. And my path through life was not financially nor emotionally easy. I hope that the public becomes aware of how Asperger’s Syndrome affects the lives of those who have it, so that the coming generations do not have to suffer as I did in my path through life.
