Many parents certainly ask themselves, is it possible to raise their children without raising their voice? Well, funny enough, the answer is no. It’s impossible. However, every smart parent must know how to be tactical, when it is wise to raise their voice, and when it is better to stay calm and not even consider yelling as an option.
When is it advisable to raise your voice to your children?
If you have a three-year-old running into the road full of fast vehicles, you better raise your voice, mommy. Your kid is in danger. You must yell the hack out of it, to prevent getting your kid run down by a car.
However, raising your voice as a usual daily practice, just for the sake of making him listen to you is not only unnecessary but also not recommended at all. It can cause more problems than make any good for you and your kid. If you want your children to grow into confident adults, then raising your voice as a usual practice is not the way. Here’s why:
– People who are used to yelling and themselves yell, even while they have a normal conversation, have a higher risk of getting heart diseases than those who speak calmly.
– Children used to yell at on daily bases experience much more stress which, according to research, might lead to mental illnesses. These children are more likely to suffer from depression, anger, anti-social behavior and they have lower self-esteem than children who are raised in calm harmonic families.
– Children who are raised in harmony, where both parents are aware that yelling is not the only option to make them obey, are more likely to become successful later in their adult life. Furthermore, these children are physically and mentally healthier; they manage to get more done and grow up into mature, confident young people who develop better communication skills.
Reasons for yelling
Funny enough, a parent who raises their voices to their children are usually not angry or disappointed by their kids at all. These people are not aware that their kids have nothing to do with their reasons for yelling. The most common reason that made them raise their voice is the stress caused by other people in their surroundings. Bad communication among family members, stress from work, anger from their boss or other factors can lead to raising their voice to their children. As adults know that their children are inferior to them, they wrongfully throw the whole anger gathered from their stressed day to their kids. Becoming aware of this is the first step towards solving this issue.
What to do to lower your voice?
When you become conscious of situations that caused you stress, and you feel that anger pours in, you have the urge to raise your voice to your children for unimportant things they did, sit down, calm yourself and take deep breaths. Deep breathing brings oxygen to your brain, which will enable you to think clearly. After you calm down, talk to your child with a calm voice. Explain to him why the thing he did is not acceptable. Offer him wiser options. Make him trust you by giving him reasons why his behavior is unacceptable.
Think of positive attitude
Also, instead of concentrating on the bad things your child does, try to think of the good ones. There must be one good thing he does during your time together. Try to praise him for that. Tell them you are proud of him. Thus, your child will feel useful, and he will want to be praise again. He will make every effort in the future for you to praise him again.
Moreover, small children can be more difficult when they start crying for no particular reason. Raising your voice to already stressed crying kid only adds up to worsening the situation. Hug him and talk to him instead. Give him a small present by kissing him in his cheek when he stops crying and calms down. Thus, you will show him that he is going to be praised for his good behavior. Certainly, it doesn’t mean that you will spend tons of money on toys and chocolates for him to behave well. Presents can be in the form of a hug, a kiss, cuddle or gentle touch. Thus, your kid will want to behave well in the future.
Remember that every good change takes time. You can’t certainly expect your child to change overnight the day you decide to change. This is a long-term process. First, you need to learn how to control your voice, and then expect the rewarding results of well-behaved children. Yelling for no particular reason is not an option.