Everyone believes that it is good to care about people. People also generally believe that feeling someone’s pain, being there for someone no matter what, or being determined to help someone with a problem are very nobel qualities. Certainly the intentions of an individual in this place is very positive. But good intentions do not necessarily mean correct thinking and higher consciousness. A very simple example might be to tend to a child who has just skinned his knee, and feel bad for the child—perhaps even hurt—because you hate to see him suffer. But what is this really doing? If you feel badly, how can you uplift the child? Your additional negative energy will only make the recovery process more difficult. Instead, allow the child to have his experience. Do not judge it as bad or wrong. For all you know it could be a karmic release, the beginning of a set of life-changing experiences, or perhaps a beneficial new way of thinking. Certainly show that you care, but do it in a way that is uplifting. For example, make the child realize it is not as serious as he thinks it is, or perhaps find a way to make him laugh. Sharing the pain will only keep you both in a low state of mind until at least one of you shifts into a higher way of thinking.
It is wise to also use this approach in more complicated situations. For instance, if someone wants to move in with you in order to ease his burden, find a way to be supportive without putting yourself in a place where you might feel unhappy or resentful, as that will not help either one of you. Perhaps give another suggestion while you are saying no. If someone is already taking advantage of you in some way, be willing to use tough love. Perhaps throw him out of the house with appropriate notice, or inform him that you will not be able to help any more after a specific date. Responsibility is a difficult and important lesson for many people. If someone constantly complains to you, you may want to make fun of the negativity or offset his views with positive points. Or, if you are in an abusive situation with someone who is dependent upon you, choose to love yourself and trust the lesson that your partner will learn from ending the relationship. If you are not happy, the people around you will not be, either. And if you are worried about them, then perhaps you need to learn to trust whatever higher intelligence you believe in to take care of each one of us.
Remember that one person’s problem is his own to figure out. Feel free to offer as much assistance as you want to, but do not take the problem in as your own, and do not feel disappointed when the other person refuses to learn his lessons and improve his life. Attempting to control someone else’s success or even just “needing” him to improve will only imprison you. Allow him to have his experiences, no matter how detrimental they may be. We can take all of eternity to learn our lessons. That is our freedom of choice. So take whatever actions you desire to take, but never choose to let someone else’s experiences or choices remove you from your place of peace.
About the author
Vicki Luibrand is a hypnotherapist, certified by the National Guild of Hypnotists (NGH), and has a Doctor of Divinity in Spiritual Healing Arts. She guides people to heal themselves both physically and mentally by finding and releasing buried emotions and external attachments within the subconscious mind. For more information, go to www.believeinhealth.biz.
