Narcissistic and selfish parents try to control their children in everything starting from clothes choice and finishing with hobbies. Such people have an ideal picture in their minds of what their kids should be like and they try very hard to make them look exactly like that ideal picture.
Parents who behave in that way usually want to compensate their own shortcomings, failures and grievances at the expense of their kids. In such situations, their children are like puppets to them, so they have to always behave as their parents want. The following are some common signs of selfish and narcissistic parents. See if any of those things are characteristic of you or any or your friends.
- They always decide what clothes and hairstyle their kids should wear
Of course, when your kids are little, you choose clothes for them. In school, though, the majority of children already have their own idea of how they want to look like. Narcissistic parents have absolutely no interest in pants or T-shirts that their kids like (they don’t even ask their opinion). Such parents choose their kids’ clothes according to their own taste.
Kids should wear clothes they feel comfortable in. Of course, you shouldn’t allow them some drastic changes such as dying their hair till certain age, but nevertheless they should have the right of choice.
- They care about school grades too much
There are often situations when parents are too serious about their kids’ grades. You may think that they simply care about their children’s education, but the fact is that the majority of parents don’t even find time to help their kids with studying and improving their grades.
Selfish parents want their kids to bring excellent grades, but don’t wish to contribute their own time into their education. That is a common mistake.
- They tell their kids whom to be friends with
Selfish parents are often careerists and think that it is very important to surround yourself only with the right people. That is why they often choose their kids’ friends taking in to account how influential their parents are.
For example, they would prefer their kids to be friends with a son of some high-ranked official, even if this kid had the worst personality. Being friends with a nice girl whose parents are poor would not an option, though.
- They demand total obedience
Such people desperately need their kids to do everything they say. If kids oppose to them or disagree with their decisions, parent usually become furious. Normal parents don’t need their kids to obey them implicitly. They see their kids as individuals and give them the right to show some personality.
- They have a list of professions their kids are allowed to pursue
A task for smart parents is not to impose a career path on their kids but to help them defining their strong sides, skills, interests and qualities. Selfish parents want their kid to become a lawyer, doctor or representative of some other respectable profession. There is nothing bad in wanting your kids to be successful, but are you sure this is what they want? So many people today do the job they hate only because their parents told them to choose this particular specialty in college.
- They are not interested in their children’ social life
Selfish parents don’t even ask about their kids’ day at school. They don’t care much about their feelings and emotions. They are not interested what their children do online, as well, and that’s a big mistake. Social networks are a huge part of modern kids’ life and you cannot imagine how many dangers children may encounter there. Cyberbullying, sexting, watching porn, meeting predators are all among the possible things your kids can do online. If you realize that you don’t know a thing about this part of your children’s life and you want to change it, you should immediately start monitoring everything that is happening on their computers, as well as in their smartphones and iPads. There are lots of ways you can do it, so don’t be lazy.
Having narcissistic parents is a terrible fortune for kids as since the very early age, they have to put aside their own personality and be whoever their parents want them to be. They live in constant desire to make their parents proud. Incessant pressure can cause many different psychological issues that will stay with kids even when they grow up and have their own families. Besides, the research conducted in Ohio State University says that such behavior actually leads to children being as narcissistic as their parents in the future.
If you think that any of these signs are close to you, you probably should revise your whole parenting attitude. Don’t forget that your kids are not you; they have their own taste, wishes, interests and goals. You should guide them, but don’t force them to blindly obey your own vision of life. Make sure you raise happy and satisfied children.
About the author
Jana Rooheart is an IT specialist and blogger. She enjoys creating informative posts and sharing her experience with other people. She currently works on an iPod version of a parenting app. You can see it on this page. You can contact Jana via Google+ or Facebook.